


Doctor, Doctor

by Tallulah_Rasa



Series: Crossing Streams [4]
Category: House M.D., Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1967553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah_Rasa/pseuds/Tallulah_Rasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How House joined the SGC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor, Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another in a series of unrelated ficlets. This is kind of a prequel to "Sent," which is much longer, and somewhat darker.

James Wilson shot a nervous glance at his boss, and then turned again to the military quartet ranged across Cuddy's office. "You don't understand," he said.

"I think we do," the one called Carter -- _Colonel_ Carter, Wilson reminded himself, even if she was a very pretty blonde with great...

"Really," the General, O'Neill, said. "Obnoxious is not a problem for us. If he's as good a doctor as they say he is, he's the one we want."

"But...you don't understand," Wilson said again, a little desperately. "This isn't just...obnoxious. House is..." He looked again at Cuddy, who shrugged. "People _hate_ House."

O'Neill waved a dismissive hand. "People in other _galaxies_ hate Daniel. And yet, at Christmas, everyone on base wants to be his Secret Santa. Go figure."

"No one wants to be House's Secret Santa," Cuddy said.

"So he's like McKay," the laconic one, a Colonel Sheppard, said to no one in particular.

"But I can think of several people who wouldn't mind killing him," Cuddy added.

"A _lot_ like McKay," Sheppard said.

"Seriously," Wilson said, trying to get their guests to see the gravity of the situation. "He's been _shot_."

The military types nodded. "Who hasn't?" O'Neill said.

"That could be a plus in our line of work," Carter noted.

" _I've_ wanted to shoot him," Wilson admitted.

"A _lot_ like McKay. Really a lot," Sheppard said, while Carter gave O'Neill a look Wilson couldn't read.

"I only shot Daniel once," O'Neill said defensively.

The big black guy, the one with no uniform but a clearly military bearing, turned a truly frightening gaze on O'Neill. "That is not entirely true, O'Neill," he said. Wilson tried to place the accent, but couldn't. House would know, no doubt. He'd probably know the history of the name, too. Teal'c \-- an unusual one, that, and Wilson had seen patients from every part of the world.

"Okay, twice. Maybe three times. But hey, that's been over _years_. It's not like I shoot Daniel every week."

"He's addicted to painkillers," Wilson blurted out.

"Doesn't seem to have affected his work," Carter said, leafing through one of the many files the hospital had compiled on House for this interview.

"And we can fix his leg," O'Neill threw out, as though it were no big deal.

"You can -- what??" Cuddy exclaimed.

"So the painkillers are probably a moot point," O'Neill said.

"Though -- if he's got an addictive personality, we might want to keep him away from the sarcophagus," Colonel Carter said.

"Sarcoph...?" Wilson repeated, eyes wide.

"And that Wraith enzyme," Sheppard added.

"Duly noted," O'Neill said. "Now--"

He was interrupted by the arrival of three men, one limping, two gesturing wildly, and all talking over each other.

"I'm saying," House finished flatly, pushing ahead of his two companions both verbally and physically, "you can't possibly know. I mean, let's face it, neither of you are _real_ doctors."

"Not _real_..." McKay sputtered. "That's...I...of all the..."

"Ooh," Sheppard said. "He made McKay speechless! I don't care about his credentials; I want this guy at Atlantis."

" _Atlantis_?" Cuddy said weakly. "Isn't that a fairytale? And anyway, he has clinic hours to do here, and--"

"Like I'm ever going to do them," House scoffed. He looked at Teal'c's tattoo, cocked his head and stared for a minute, started to say something, took a look at Teal'c's biceps, and shook his head.

"How'd the interview go?" Jack asked Daniel.

"Great," Daniel said cheerfully. "He's rude, obnoxious, and pig-headed. He could take charm lessons from Zipacna."

"Who's Zipacna?" Wilson asked anxiously.

"A giant, in Mayan mythology," House said. "Though I'm guessing that's not who you mean, _Doctor_ Jackson."

"Daniel! I think you've found a new buddy," Jack said.

"I'd rather be dead," House said, pushing Sheppard aside with his cane and settling himself on Cuddy's couch. "And I say that as someone who _has_ been clinically dead."

"That explains a lot," McKay said.

"How many times?" Sheppard asked.

House looked at him. "What kind of question is that?"

"Three," Wilson said, before someone challenged someone else to a duel.

"Daniel's been dead seven times I know of," O'Neill said. "And ascended to a higher plane of existence twice."

"What," House scoffed, "you saw a glowy light?"

Everyone not already working for the SGC turned and stared at Daniel, who shrugged.

"Actually," Carter said, "he _became_ a  glowy light." She gave Daniel a look. "Though he did appear to _some_ of us in his human form a couple of times."

"I _told_ you, Sam, I couldn't just--" Daniel began.

"Would you mind dying again and demonstrating?" House broke in. "I'm betting _someone_ here has a gun."

Wilson and Cuddy exchanged a look. Cuddy's said, _These_ _people are nuts._ Wilson's said, _Oh, crap, we're going to lose him._

"Not sure that'll work," O'Neill said. "The other glowy beings kicked him out of their club. Though they _did_ send him back to us, good as new."

"I still had my appendix scar," Daniel said, and Wilson couldn't tell if he was aggrieved or just being extremely accurate.

"I want in," House said. "Where do I sign?"


End file.
